I Voted! NOT!

This one is from 11/08/11.

       So today is the first Tuesday of November, also known as Election Day here in the good old USA.  True, this year it's an off year, so all the elections are just piddly little municipal races for offices like Mayor and such, but still a noteworthy day for us civic minded Americans.
       Over the past few months I have been following the mayoral candidates in my town and weighing their pros and cons.  I had made my decision, and was ready to cast my vote.  Now all I had to do was figure out where to go to do it.  See, municipal elections don't draw as big a crowd as the nationals, so in order to keep election costs down, only a handful of polling places are staffed with people, and people often end up casting their ballots in an unfamiliar polling place.  In my case, I've only lived in this town for about 4 years, and I've moved since the last election, so I had absolutely no idea where I needed to go.  I also still haven't learned the town well enough to be able to follow a local's directions.
        I fully intended to spend last night scouring the internet figuring out where my polling place was.  I figured worst case scenario, I could go sometime today and drive in concentric circles around my neighborhood until I stumbled on a VOTE HERE sign.  But I fully intended that I would not miss my opportunity to cast my ballot.  Then a miracle came to me in the form of a telephone call around 3 pm yesterday afternoon.  It was a campaign worker.  For the candidate I intended to vote for.  They were calling to remind me that the election was today, and reminding me to go vote.  They were even nice enough to tell me where my polling place was.  600 S. XXXXX Dr., aka Fire Station Number 9.  Yay!  Less leg work for me!
       I'd like to note that I did point out to the person on the phone that said street ran east and west, and I questioned the address.  She assured me that the address was correct, and replied to my request for details on the location of the place with "It's on XXXXX Dr., and it is FIRE STATION NUMBER 9."  I gave up, thinking that since she was talking to me like I was an idiot, it must be pretty easy to find.
       Then hubby came home last night and informed me that he would be needing to drive my van to work today because something is wrong with his truck.  So my plans to head out early to vote just in case something got screwed up were dashed.  Even so, I was confident that with a minimum of searching, I would find the elusive polling place, and the hour between his coming home and needing to leave again for class would give me ample time to do so.
        So we fast forward to this evening.  Hubby comes home at 5, and the polling places close at 6.  Hubby also needs to leave for class by 6:15, so unless I want to take the monsters with me, I need to take care of business in a timely and efficient manner.  I pull out of my driveway at 5:03 and head to XXXXX Dr.
Here I should note that our town is laid out with numbered streets running North and South, intersected by Streets that seem to have been named at random after people and places running East and West.  Except for the Avenues, which are numbered and run East and West, sometimes intersecting their numbered Street counterparts.  For example, one of the local hospitals is located at the intersection of 8th Street and 8th Avenue.  We also have half streets, apparently added as an afterthought.  Hubby 2.0's favorite bar is on the corner of 6th1/2 street.  I assumed ( I know, don't even say it) that the place I was looking for would logically be located near the intersection of XXXXX Dr. and 6th Street.  Seemed a little far from my house, but okay.  So that's where I headed first, getting onto XXXXX Dr. at about 14th and heading West.  No joy.  So I turned around and headed back the other way.
        By 5:25 I was pulling into a gas station to put $5 worth of gas in the van because hubby had returned it to me with the idiot light shining, and I was afraid I was about to have my search cancelled due to lack of fuel.  No, I still has not found the infamous Fire Station Number 9, despite having driven almost 40 blocks up and down XXXXX Dr.  After gassing up in record time, I was struck with inspiration and decided to try one more idea.  I hopped on the interstate and drove down to the exit on the far western edge of town, got back on XXXXX Dr., and quickly located Fire Station Number 9 way the fuck out in the boonies past the Post Office.  It was 5:45 p.m. when I walked through the door.
         Old lady asks for my ID.  I hand it to her, on guard for further fuckery.  Sure enough, she can't find me on her list.  She passes me off to Old Lady # 2, who upon not finding me on HER list, passes me off to Old Lady #3.  Well whaddya know?  I'm not on anybody's fucking list!  Then the problem strikes me like a bolt of lightning.  Nice helpful campaign worker person?  Who so miraculously called to tell me where to go and cast my vote for the prodigal candidate?  She was working off of an old goddamn list!  When I finally got around to updating my license with the motor vehicles department a few months ago (another long story) I also updated my voter registration, which changed my polling place.  It had seemed strange that my polling place would be 10 miles from my house...
             A phone call quickly revealed that MY polling place was located a mere 10 short blocks from my house,  all the way back across town.  Some helpful, sickeningly cheerful little polling place worker gave me a "You've got 10 minutes, you can still make it!" and I headed out the door.  I knew I didn't have a fucking prayer of making it, and I really shouldn't even try since hubby needed me home so that he could leave, but I still found myself driving in the general direction of my proper polling place, cursing under my breath the whole way.  Never mind that it was 5:54 and I was heading for yet another location that I had unclear directions to (someone back at FS#9 had kindly informed me that the elementary school I was looking for was somewhere off 25th street) I figured that I had given an hour of my life, and I was GOING to vote.
             Alas, all hopes were dashed when at 5:56 I had to slam on my brakes to avoid rear ending a PT Cruiser.  As per usual, there was a train, stopped, on the tracks at XXXXX Dr. and 19th street.  PT Cruiser or the idiot in front of them had apparently not noticed the line of 40 unmoving cars in front of them, and had just about caused a pileup.  After my heart rate returned to normal, I said fuck it and drove home to wash down some ibuprofen with some caffeine, which I laced with booze for good measure.
           Oh, and the best part?  The polling place I should have gone to would have been my own child's school, had the town in their infinite wisdom not drawn the dividing line for the elementary school districts right down the center of my street.