Why I Support And Advocate For "Gay Rights"

This post was originally written on 3/16/2012

In this blog, I am going to do something that I have never done here before.  I am going to give the names of those that I am writing about, people who I know or have known in my real life.  I will do so in a way that continues to shield their identities, as I have always done in the past by using the nicknames that I have for my family and friends, but this blog cannot be written with the anonymity of nicknames, because these people deserve to be recognized as real people, not just a funny nickname in a blog entry written by some anonymous blogger.  In the interest of protecting their privacy, and the privacy of those close to me, I still will not be revealing my own name, I can only ask that you respect my decision in this regard, whether you agree with that decision or not.

     The names that I am sharing with you today are, in no particular order of signifcance: Gary, Paul, Mykal, Isiah, Rodrigo, Toni, Lori, Terri, Stacy, Jesse, Shane, Thomas, Daniel, Rachel, Robbie, Brooke, Sam, Cathy, Lora, Amanda, Seanna, Jenni, Michael, Michelle, Brandon, Todd, Chuck, and Rory.

     This list is comprised of the names of real, living people who have at some point in their lives revealed to me that they were either gay or bi-sexual.  Sadly, I know that this list is incomplete, because there are several more people who have touched my life in some way, for only a brief period, whose face and the memories I share with that person are burned in my memory, while their name escapes me.  There are likely many others with whom I have shared experiences without ever knowing what type of sexuality they lay claim to. 

     Some of these people are family members of mine, some are close friends, the rest have been classmates, coworkers, or random people I've met through the internet.  Most of these people I have liked and have had occasion to sit around and laugh with, which in my eyes always makes someone a person worth knowing.  A couple of these people I have hated with every fiber of my being during the time that I was in a situation where I was forced to interact with them, but none of my reasons for hating them had anything to do with who they chose to have sex with.  Those people were unfunny assholes who just happened to also be gay.

     Several of the people whose names are included in this list I have known since childhood.  We grew up together, or they watched me grow up.  They shared many of the same dreams and aspirations that I had, and generally hoped that their lives would bring them the same things that I have always wanted to have happen in my own life.  We have all wanted to grow up, get jobs, stop having to listen to our parents, and start telling our own kids how to live their lives.  Quite a few of these people I have known are doing the same things with their lives that I am- they are settling down and having children of their own.  We're all getting older, and it is time for that.  At least for many of us.

     There are those among my gay family and friends who never wanted to get married or have children.  I have plenty of straight family and friends who don't want that for their lives either.  I see nothing wrong with that, since I am very aware of the fact that the married with children lifestyle is one that comes with it own share of drawbacks.  I do not begrudge those people that I know who prefer to keep it loose and avoid all of the screaming, and worrying, and bodily fluids that you wish you had never had to see that come along with settling down with one special person and raising a couple of ungrateful children with them.

     What concerns me is that I also have gay family and friends who do want to get married and have children, and they are being prohibited by the states that we live in from realizing their dream to do so.  I am glad for my friends that have been able to find happiness in the committed relationships with their would be spouses that are not recognized by our state the same way that both of my marriages have been, but I feel their pain when they tell me that it just isn't quite the same.  I am thrilled for my friends who have managed to have biological children of their own by working things out with an open minded man or woman who believed that they were worth bearing or fathering a child with, But I am heartbroken for those who are unable to arrange this for themselves or do not wish to settle for being a part time co-parent with someone they do not love in order to be a parent.  I am angered by the fact that people I know to be wonderful human beings who want desperately to be parents are being denied the chance to adopt children whose heterosexual parents could not or would not raise them.  I am sickened at the idea that the partner who has spent years living with, loving, and building a life with their partner can be denied access to them by the mother that partner was rejected by years ago, when an accident leaves that partner hospitalized and unable to request the presence of their chosen loved one at their bedside.

     Homosexual is not just a word written in The Bible.  Gay is not just a word that describes behavior that is deemed undesirable by a society made up of closed minded individuals.  These words are labels that hide real people.  Individuals who form emotional attachments to people who share their gender, and who express that love for each other in physical displays of affection both in and out of the view of others, yes, that is one facet of who these people are   That one facet of who they are no more defines their value as people than the heterosexual relationship that my husband and I share defines who I am.

     There are many, many things that are considered to be against the laws of God.  So many that one person could not possibly follow all of them without also breaking half of them.  That is why reasonable men and women do not look for guidance only in the laws of God, we look into the hearts and lives of our fellow man, and hold ourselves to a realistic standard.  When the actions of one man or woman can be proven to cause harm to another, then we must as a society create laws prohibiting that action, and we judge those guilty when they can be proven to have broken that law.

     The punishments for breaking the laws of God, for those who believe in them and feel required to follow them, will be handed out by God when and if he feels it is necessary to do so.  Until then, even the believers are free to keep breaking God's laws at their own risk.  For the time being, here on Earth, men must deal with men.  Americans are supposed to design our laws to protect the rights of every man and woman, to make their own choices based upon their own beliefs, and to keep us from harming each other with our individual choices and actions.  Our punishments for breaking the law are required to fit the crime in their severity and length.  With the exception of serious crimes against another person,  no one may be deprived of their freedom to live in society according to their own beliefs and inclinations for the rest of their lives

     It is no longer against the laws of man to be gay in our country.  It never should have been against the laws of man to be gay in the first place.  It is not against the laws of man to live with and share your life with another person of the same gender in this country.  It should not be against the laws of man to marry the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with.  It is not against the law to raise a child when you are not abusing that child in this country.  It should not be against the laws of man to adopt a child whose biological parent wishes for you to do so, or whose biological parent has done such a lousy job of raising that child that they have been deemed unfit to raise them themselves.

     I believe these things not because The Bible told me so, but because I have had people who are just like me (except for the being gay thing) who have touched my lives and who suffer from not being afforded the same rights that I have.  I am married.  I was not married in a church or by a minister, but my marriage is recognized by the state in which I live.  I have children, and I could walk into a Catholic Charities adoption agency and begin the process of adopting a child tomorrow.  My husband's health insurance plan covers both me and the child that I had with another man.  I file my taxes jointly with my husband, and enjoy a lower tax rate because of that.  Were my husband to be injured while he is working today, it would be up to me whether or not to fulfill his wishes and not allow him to be put on life support, and there is not a damn thing his mother could do or say otherwise.  I can sit in a public place and kiss my husband on the mouth, with tongue, and anyone who felt compelled to come up and hit me because they didn't like it would be prosecuted for assault with pretty much no questions asked.

     Who am I, one citizen in a country with more than 300 million other citizens, to tell Gary, Paul, Mykal, Isiah, Rodrigo, Toni, Lori, Terri, Stacy, Jesse, Shane, Thomas, Daniel, Rachel, Robbie, Brooke, Sam, Cathy, Lora, Amanda, Seanna, Jenni, Michael, Michelle, Brandon, Todd, Chuck, and Rory that they can't do the same things that I can, and who are you that you feel your beliefs about what God thinks of them entitles you to tell them that they can't?