This post was originally written on 4/22/2012
If you take the time to read about history, whether it be the
history of man or just the history of the United States, it becomes
clear very quickly that almost all of the leading roles belong to men.
In the context of American history, usually white men. Women, if they
are mentioned at all, are typically cast in the role of supporting wife
or worse they are described as the radical antagonist whom the wise male
characters must contend with and appease. Even today the term "radical
feminist" has negative connotations, as if there is something wrong
with women who think women kick ass. So when I hear or read about
people questioning whether there really is a War on Women going on, I
think "Duh, of course there is. It isn't a new thing; in all honesty
it's probably the longest running war in the history of mankind."
Here in the United States, pretty much everybody now understands that
every person in this country has the same unalienable right to life,
liberty and the pursuit of happiness. You'd be hard pressed to find
anyone who would read the words of Thomas Jefferson that comprise the
Declaration of Independence and then say "But that isn't talking about
me, because I'm not good enough to deserve having that said about me"
The only thing that you will find is people who can read those words and
make claims that those words apply to them but not to someone else. In
our time, each American understands those words to mean that every
person living in our country has the right to expect to be treated the same by our government, even if it rarely happens in practice.
This was not the case for everyone who lived in this country when that
document was distributed to the masses in 1776. For many who heard and
read those words then, they were merely a symbol of hope that one day
they might actually be applied to them. What I think a lot of people
today fail to comprehend is that women living at the time that our new
country was beginning were treated much like the women who live today
under that dreaded Sharia law that everyone keeps ranting about. In
some cases they may have even been worse off, because American law in
that time didn't have much in the way of rules outlining the
responsibilities that men had towards the women under their care, so it
was pretty much anything goes. A whole lot of women at the mercy of the
menfolk in their lives.
In the past year I've done
a lot of research into my own family, learning about those men and
women who had some sex, made some babies, and passed down the DNA that
eventually turned into me. The process has been enlightening to say the
least, and I can't help but wonder what would have resulted from my
double X ancestors having the types of freedoms and choices that I have
today. Chances are pretty good that I wouldn't be here, because I have
strong doubts about whether all of those women would have chosen for
themselves the paths in their lives that led to my string of ancestors
and eventually led to me. Should I be glad that those women were forced
to suffer from all the consequences of their actions and the actions of
those around them since I ended up alive because they were? That seems
like a shitty kind of attitude to have. I really cannot bring myself
to celebrate the chain of deaths and despair and beatings and
hopelessness that gave me life.
By the time I was
born, our law and our society had matured to the point where the fact
that I was born sans penis didn't necessarily mean that I couldn't take
control of my own life and make decisions that would lead to me living
not only a longer, but also a better life than my brother who was born
shortly after me. No more barriers existed to prohibit me from
education, employment, or any of the tools that my brother had access to
in order to build for himself the life that he chose. I've been free
to be just as good, or as bad, at living out my life as he has- and I've
definitely taken advantage of those opportunities as they arose. The
only difference that my gender has implied in my lifetime is that
sometimes I have to work a little bit harder than he does to accomplish
the same goals, and I'm still the only one of us who can (or has to)
carry a child in my body and give birth to it.
The
last few generations of Americans, born in the years since the Sexual
Revolution of the 60's, have shown us that there really isn't anything
that a determined woman can't do just as well as a man. There also
isn't anything short of pregnancy and labor that a man can't do just as
well as a woman when he wants or needs to. There is no denying that we
are absolutely equal in all respects, save that one, when we want to
be. Now that this has been proven out, we have those within our society
who are trying to legislate and berate women back into their rightful
"place", and the actions of those people constitute the most recent
battle in the War on Women.
In our country,
straight white men have always had the freedom to determine the course
of their own lives, and they have often used their "majority status" to
determine the course of the lives that those around them will live.
They have had control of our economy, our governments at every level,
every political party that has ever held power over the candidates we
may choose to elect, and to a large extent they have had control of the
thoughts and actions of every single person in this country. They have
defined for the last 236 years what the roles of everyone within our
society were supposed to be. Why now, when we know for sure that there
isn't anything all that special about straight white men, is this still
acceptable?
The reality is that straight white men
have almost never comprised the majority of our population. They have
at various times made up a group that was larger than any other group,
but there have never been more straight white men in our country than
there have been people who aren't straight white men. In our
country that so loves it's system of "majority rule" the one group that
far outnumbers all other groups, no matter how you combine them, is
women. The simple act of being born cleft rather than cloven has
entitled every woman born for at least the last century to claim supreme
status. Kind of makes me wonder why we don't already have our own
political party.
I read the news just about every
day. Thanks to the wonders of technology, I can do that as I sit right
here by accessing the online versions of several different news
sources. Definitely a nice little bonus to having the internet, since
the cost of having all those different publications delivered to my home
would be beyond my budget, and it would add tons of clutter to my
home. The only downside of reading my news on the internet is that I
cannot resist the temptation to scroll down and read the comments
section that now fills the space below every article. Reading these
comments, it starts to seem like there are at least 250 million complete
fools living in this country. Nowhere is this more clearly illustrated
than below an article that concerns topics of interest to women.
Suspiciously, many of the more idiotic and hateful comments are posted
under male names. I spend an awful lot of time shaking my head while
reading comments that espouse the belief that we need to return our
society to the good old days of the 1980's or the 1950's or even the
1930's. Back when women stayed home and took care of their families and
nobody had sex before marriage or created poor little unwanted babies
that were aborted by their heartless heathen mothers. When the economy
was in tip top shape and all was right with the world.
I have to wonder just how many of these people were adults living back
in the 30's or the 50's or even in the 80's. I am curious as to just
how many of them are straight white guys pining for a time when they
were still the top dogs and they only had to worry about comparing
themselves to other straight white men. I wonder how many of them are
suffering from Alzheimer's Disease. How delusional are these people
that they honestly believe that there has ever been a time in our
nations history that the people in it all lived good, wholesome,
productive lives and never had sex outside of marriage or without the
express intent of making babies? How do they imagine that we got to be a
country with a population of over 300 million people that is broke and
constantly fighting amongst ourselves over stupid shit? Everything that
I have ever read or heard from those who lived before me indicates that
America has always been pretty much the same as it is now. The only
difference is that now we have more people who have been given the
freedom to fuck up or do well in their own lives- not just the straight
white guys.
With regard to sex, because that is
what the majority of the battles in this War on Women are focused on,
people in America have always had sex. Just like today, pretty much the
only people who wait around for the marriage vows before doing it are
those who have deep seated religious views. Even then, a fear of hell
isn't exactly a foolproof recipe for abstinence, which is evidenced by
the fact that organizations like Catholic Charities got into the game of
dealing with unwanted babies early enough that they still have a corner
on that market today. What's that old saying about the preacher's
daughter again?
While I was putting my family tree
together I started noticing something that surprised me. In every
single generation in my family there has been at least one kid who was
conceived or born out of wedlock. As far back as I have been able to
trace, people have been enjoying the nookie without a ring on their
finger. That's just in my direct lines. I saw a whole lot of it while I
was helping my husband with his tree, and in my 3rd cousin's family- it
was hard to find a couple in his tree who didn't get married cause the
had a reason to on the way. I know that I talk about my family being
completely whacked and everything, but they are really pretty average
folks. Almost all of these ancestors I'm speaking of have had ties to
one church or another, been fine upstanding members of their
communities, and I'm sure most people would consider them to pretty
average. So if people were having sex before marriage in 1824, 1916,
1938, 1956, and 1980, just exactly which golden age in our society are
we supposed to revert to?
Throughout history, sex
has always been treated by male dominated society as though it is a
man's right and a woman's fault. Surely a large part of the blame for
that attitude can be laid upon the various religions that are practiced
around the world that buy into the whole Adam and Eve story. Current
legislation is screaming out that myth over and over again in state
after state. The message is getting through loud and clear. Nobody
should be having sex unless they are married and trying to make a
baby. The question is why the hell not? Because God doesn't want us
to? Tough, American law cares diddly for what God has to say on the
subject. Because that isn't the way that our ancestors did things?
Baloney, we've already covered that argument. Because it isn't fair for
American taxpayers to carry the burdens of a bunch of hussies? Here's
something you may not realize, but there haven't been any claims about a
virgin birth in over 2000 years, so all those hussies share the blame
equally with someone who has a penis. If she was having sex and getting
pregnant without a signed and sealed marriage license, then some guy
was right there with her committing the same bad act, and she is no
worse than he is. Where's the legislation requiring every man who wants
a box of condoms to submit a note from his doctor stating that he is
allergic to vaginal secretions?
I'd bet that
almost every person in this country has heard someone spout off at one
time or another about some woman trying to trap some man by getting
pregnant. We've also all heard that any woman concerned about getting
pregnant just needs to hold an aspirin between her knees. Where are all
these men who are too feeble minded to grasp that they have a surefire
way to avoid that baby "trap", that they also have an inexpensive means
of birth control at their disposal? Heck, they don't even have to shell
out for an aspirin tablet- just take a few minutes to figure out
whether they're a righty or a lefty, then introduce themselves to Miss
Rosy Palm. It's free, it's quick, and it's guaranteed she won't send
you a Father's Day card next year.
So what about
the poor unfortunate unwanted babies who are being created by all this
wanton behavior? What about the ones who are being murdered in abortion
clinics and growing up without fathers to guide them and overloading
our welfare system? For the love of heaven, what about the children?
Seriously, do people honestly thing that kids with crappy lives are
really a new concept in America? Do they think that abortion was
invented in 1973? Do they even know what the hell they are talking
about? For starters, you don't solve the problem of unwanted babies by
forcing women to have more of them, that's pretty contradictory, and I
don't think that one is going to work. All of the suggestions that I've
heard tossed around have already been tried by the Americans of past
generations, and for some reason there were enough people who thought
they didn't work that people got elected and made those particular
choices up to the people who are involved. Seems that people who had to
live here when abortion was illegal didn't care much for being told
they had to have babies they didn't want. People who had to marry
someone they didn't want to be married to didn't really dig that idea.
People who were told that they had to support and care for children they
didn't want said "screw you, I'm not gonna"
The
laws and freedoms that we have today exist because there were people who
lived during a time when they didn't exist, and those people convinced
their representatives in government that the way things were didn't
work. Change comes pretty slowly in this country, I think it's a pretty
safe bet that when it happens, it's because things couldn't go on the
way that they were. It's fine to want to see change happen in your
time, but it's rather arrogant to think that it is enough for you to try
and force an entire nation to give a failed ideal another try just
because you have made it work for you. If you want other people, whose
lives probably aren't anything like yours, to change then you're gonna
have to come up with something new and improved. That means a solution
rather than just a list of prohibitions that don't even apply to you
because they are things you're doing or not doing anyways.
I'll be honest. I don't much care what any man thinks of me, or my
decisions, or the way that I think and act. I don't live for any man,
not even the one that I have chosen to be married to. It's a fairly
safe bet that if some guy disapproves of the way that I have lived or am
living my life, or dislikes me for my choices and beliefs, then I'm
probably going to dislike and disapprove of him with equal fervor. In
addition to my nonchalance over the opinions of men, I also don't need
to check with any women to make sure that they are okay with how I'm
handling my life. They are free to judge me as much as they want, and
I'll judge them right back, but I'm not going to change for them and I
don't expect them to change for me.
Most of the
people who are waging the War on Women in this election cycle seem to be
rather convinced that everything would be perfect if they could just
make all the women in the country behave exactly as they do. It seems
so simple to them that since the choices that they have made in their
lives have turned out okay, then every woman should be able to follow
their instructions and get the same result. I think it's ironic that
these people would call me a delusional idealist. It's great for you if
believing in God, saving yourself for marriage or getting married to
the guy who knocked you up ahead of schedule, staying at home to raise
your children while your husband provides for you, homeschooling your
children, never even considering an abortion under any circumstances,
eschewing all forms of government assistance, accepting that you had no
need for higher education for yourself or your children if you couldn't
earn enough to pay for it, and never needing any medical care that you
can't afford has worked out for you. I'm happy for you. Don't expect
that every other woman in the country can have what you have, or is
required to want that for herself. I am not you, many women in this
country are not you. Many of the women who have lived in this country
over the last 236 year have not been satisfied with just living their
lives according to your rules.
In many respects I
have a lot in common with the same women who are supporting those
candidates that write the anti abortion, anti birth control, anti
welfare, anti women laws. I share opinions with those who espouse the
belief that educating our children should be turned over to parents and
the Federal Department of Education should close it's doors. I am
married. I am a stay at home mother. I have always believed that my
children need both a mother and a father. I believe that parents are
the ones who best know their children and thus should be in charge of
deciding how they are educated. I think that public school should not
be the only option that parents have for their child's education. I've
never had an abortion. I feel strongly that people need to take
responsibility for their own choices, and that relying on welfare should
not be accepted as a long term solution, nor should it be a way of
life.
The difference between me and many of those
women, is that I don't see things in black and white. For one thing,
this is the choice that I am living now- I have made other choices in
the past that led me here. I am not ashamed of those choices, nor do I
have any reason to be. Some of them were wrong, some of them were
simply the best option that I had at the time, and all of them have made
me the person, the wife, and the mother that I am today- so I wouldn't
take any of it back. I also recognize that my choice works for me now
because I got lucky. Many things could have happened to make my life
very different than it is, and I wouldn't have been able to change
them. Without my husband, I wouldn't be able to stay home with my
children (nor would I have to if he had a different job). I'm living
out the choice that I made in a way that conforms to the conservative
ideal, but I've made this choice before and had it end badly. Without
the freedom to walk away from that marriage, and to work to support
myself and my daughter, I would have been forced to rely on welfare.
Had I not been free to choose to be a single mother, living without the
support of my child's father, I may have had to bury my child. Thanks
to birth control and Planned Parenthood which was there to provide it
for me (when I couldn't afford shoes, let alone the only form of birth
control that was foolproof for me) I was able to ensure that my first
unplanned pregnancy was my only unplanned pregnancy- and I did not have
more children than I could manage on my own when the time came to walk
away from my marriage. My daughter attends public school, because for
her, that is the best educational option. Should that change, I will do
whatever is necessary to exercise the option that seems best at that
time. While I've never had an abortion, I have also never had an easy
pregnancy. I am past 30 now, my health is so so, and I do not intend to
have any more children. Luckily I was able to convince my husband to
get sterilized, and our insurance paid for some of the cost. If our
plan were to fail, and an unexpected pregnancy were to threaten my life
or interfere with my ability to care for the children that I have I
could very well see myself choosing to have an abortion because for me,
the possibility that my children might be left without a mother when the
means to prevent that was in my power is unacceptable.
I know that of the more than 155 million women who are living in
America now, there are many, many women whose lives are very different
than mine. Some of them may be similar to me, but at a different point
on their own path, facing difficult choices and weighing their options.
I refuse to support any person who chooses to act in a way that will
limit those women's options. I firmly believe that women are strong
enough, wise enough, and valuable enough to be treated the same as men
by being allowed to make their own choices and deciding for themselves
just how good or how bad they want to be. I don't care if our society
ever reaches a point where women actually exercise their majority and
start calling the shots for everybody- frankly I don't think that would
work any better than having everyone follow the straight white guys'
lead- but I'm for damn sure not going to do anything that propagates the
idea that women are somehow inferior to men in their ability to govern
themselves and their own lives. I'm certainly not going to stick women
with shouldering the burden alone for doing something- with a man- that
has consequences for her that no man will ever have to experience.
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